


In The Blood

by SnowQueenOfMyHeart



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Book: Rapunzel and the Lost Lagoon, Cassandra has a lot of issues, Character Study, Episode: s03e19 Plus Et En Vous, F/F, Fear of Rejection, Gen, Hurt, Lesbian Cassandra (Disney: Tangled), Nighttime, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Relationship(s), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23019619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowQueenOfMyHeart/pseuds/SnowQueenOfMyHeart
Summary: It's been a few days since the dramatic battle for Corona, and Cassandra is wrestling with her guilt over all that happened - and other feelings. Major spoilers for RTA Season 3 finale.
Relationships: Cassandra/Rapunzel (Disney: Tangled)
Kudos: 74





	In The Blood

Cassandra was unable to sleep. The events of the last few days weighed heavily on her mind, tormenting her like the demon that had plagued her thoughts and exploited her pain for months. Despite everything that had happened - and all the good things that came to her - she was left uneasy and certain it was not what she deserved.

Huffing, she got out of her bed, though she longed to stay in it as the feeling of a proper bed was sadly so foreign to her after so much time out in the wilderness. She noted the clock and the time on its face - almost 3 in the morning - before taking a cloak to ward off the cool night air. Donning her boots and the usual dagger stuck in one, Cassandra left her room quietly and made her way through the deserted castle. She just needed some fresh air to clear her head.

As she descended into one of the passageways below the castle to avoid being noticed, the sight of debris and rubble made her grimace. All of this was her doing. All the damage in the castle that still looked like it had been through a vicious battle. In a way, it had. But the knowledge that she had caused it - the fight, the damage - stung like a knife through the heart. And to think she had once sworn to protect this kingdom, that she had dreamed of being a hero defending Corona from all its enemies...

Not once did she ever imagine that she would become its greatest enemy. Well, aside from Zhan Tiri. Which she had helped release from a cosmic prison and set loose on her home. Because of her anger.

Stifling a sob with her hand, Cassandra slumped against the wall as her body shook, the tears already forming in her eyes. Zhan Tiri's words ringing in her head:

"Just like your mother, felled by your own ego."

She ground her teeth and brushed a stray tear away furiously. She refused to believe she was just like that woman, but deep down inside, she remained uncertain. Turning her attention to her task at hand, Cassandra resumed her walk with purpose and eventually exited the tunnel safely beyond the castle. The moonlight greeted her like an old friend. And as she gazed up at the pale orb in the sky, Cassandra felt her sorrow return.

_How much of my mother has my mother left in me?_

_How much of my love will be insane to some degree?_

Was she like Gothel? Cassandra knew that Gothel was a horrible person; she had heard as much from Rapunzel over the last few years. But with the revelation that she was Gothel's daughter - or perhaps remembering something long forgotten in hopes of never revisiting it again - Cassandra was tormented by the prospect that she was like this woman that had once imprisoned and hurt her best friend. She walked slowly through the quiet town as she contemplated this, arms wrapped protectively around her middle. Was she just as vain as her mother? No, she couldn't be. Gothel clearly was obsessed with her looks and listening to people compliment her. And yet, that same desire for external validation - to be recognized by others - had been very strong in Cassandra. At least she had never kidnapped Rapunzel. But she did hurt her. Multiple times.

Maybe she was insane. She did love Rapunzel. Somehow, in spite of everything, she cared about her. After all, she reasoned with herself as she walked on, she never tried to really stifle Rapunzel as a person. Though she did display a tendency to worry too much about her safety, but it was justified! It was her job to protect the princess and if the princess was being reckless, then Cassandra had to do something about it. Until she became the reckless one.

She hugged herself tighter. Her feelings for Rapunzel hadn't stopped her from lashing out in the worst way possible.

_And what about this feeling that I'm never good enough?_

_Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?_

Never good enough. The story of her life. No matter how hard Cassandra tried to be good, she always came up short. Not good enough as a daughter. Not good enough as a citizen of Corona. Not good enough as a protector. Not good enough as a friend. Sniffling, she asked herself if this would just be her life, unable to break free of an endless cycle of disappointment and reject.

A sign caught her eye, and she found herself looking at a poster for the Royal Guards. Yet another dream dashed by her ego and her impulsiveness.

_How much of my father am I destined to become?_

_Will I dim the lights inside me just to satisfy someone?_

Ever since she had been brought back to Corona, she had tried so hard to make her father proud. To be the best daughter she could and to succeed him as Captain someday. But in doing so, she might have inadvertently stifled parts of her that needed to be given room to breathe. Much like her father, she had to put on a brave face and maintain strict professionalism in all things. It definitely did not help her when Rapunzel entered her life. The princess was so free-spirited and the opposite of order and structure that Cassandra wondered how on earth she could tame such a wild child.

But as she thought about it, maybe she had dimmed her own light just so she could get along better with the sunshine princess. Hard to believe since Rapunzel was like the sun: shining so bright for all to see. But in that kind of light, Cassandra looked so dark that turning down her own light - hiding her feelings and burying what she truly felt - went unnoticed. No wonder Rapunzel never picked up on her pain until it exploded.

Suddenly, Cassandra stopped as she realized a statue was right in front of her. She had wandered out of the town and to a nearby park, her eyes downcast the whole time. Looking up at the marble figure, her eyes widened a little as she took in the princess holding out a lantern, that irrepressible smile present on her stone face.

_Will I let this woman kill me, or do away with jealous love?_

_Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?_

Ever since Rapunzel had found her way into Cassandra's heart, the normally stoic warrior had been grappling with how to handle it. She had never cared about anyone before like she did with Raps. Something in the way she smiled, the way she could light up a room with her energy, the boundless and frankly annoying optimism she exuded - it caught Cassandra so off guard that she wasn't sure how to respond. As usual, she dug within and put up her walls, but the princess was just as stubborn and managed to scale a few. Or obliterate them. Except for the ones closest to her heart. The ones reinforced by years and years of hurt and anger. Those walls remained hard to break as Rapunzel discovered. And much to Cassandra's surprise, she kept hammering away at them. She had to admire her dedication, save for the fact that it backed her into a corner like an animal. At least, that's what it felt like being on the receiving end of Rapunzel's relentless belief that they could fix it and return to the supposedly good days when they had been on better terms.

In a way, Rapunzel had killed her. But not like the battle with Zhan Tiri. More like killing the part that was so scared of letting anyone in. That part had died when she let her emotions burst out one last time and asked incredulously why Rapunzel just would not give up on her like everyone else did. To feel such raw emotion, to let it out like that felt so agonizing. She might as well have died from getting it out of her system.

A tear silently ran down her cheek as she finally tore her glance away from the statue. Despite everything this woman had done to her, Cassandra couldn't bring herself to hate her. She tried to convince herself that she did - oh did she try - but a voice in her mind refused to believe it was true. And though that voice whispered she would always love Rapuznel, another whispered that it would never be returned.

_I can feel the love I want, I can feel the love I need_

_But it's never gonna come the way I am_

_Could I change it if I wanted? Can I rise above the flood?_

_Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?_

Clenching her hands over her heart, Cassandra let a sob or two escape her parted lips as she realized that the feelings she had for Rapunzel might not be reciprocated. Of course she knew this. She had suspected it long ago when that first realization hit her that what she felt might be a "more than just friends" thing. And what stung the most? Knowing now, after everything she had been through, that that love was what kept her alive.

Oh how her love for Rapunzel brought her out of her darkest moments. How it kept her from completely destroying the person she once despised because of something that was completely out of their control. That love made her give up the chance of a career in a kingdom of warrior women for pursuing a friendship with a bubbly princess. That love led to some quite memorable moments in their journeys around Corona and beyond. And now, that love turned out to be the very thing she needed most. She found herself craving a glance or a touch from Rapunzel, something to remind Cassandra that she was indeed valued and wanted.

But how could she ever receive that love when she had nearly killed Rapunzel and put her home in such grave danger? Why would she ever deserve to have that love? And even if she hadn't gone feral and unleashed an ancient demon and wrecked Corona, why would Rapunzel return the feelings Cassandra had? The princess had Eugene, and there was no way she could show that kind of love to someone like...

Someone like her.

No, Cassandra was just...

Too different. That kind of love just did not happen. So why should she expect it to happen now? Regardless of what her own heart said?

Or maybe... it wasn't actually like that? Perhaps Eugene was right (words she never ever wanted to say out loud) in his pleas about her being like a sister. The same way others appealed to her like a sibling.

_How much like my brothers, do my brothers want to be?_

_Does a broken home become another broken family?_

_Or will we be there for each other, like nobody ever could?_

_Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?_

Cassandra had come from a broken home, but so had Eugene apparently. And perhaps Lance. And maybe even Varian. Rapunzel definitely had in the sense that she was raised in a broken home. She pondered this as she continued on through the grove of trees, barely paying attention to where her feet were taking her.

All her life, she tried so hard to fend for herself because that's what she had been raised to believe. Her own mother did little to provide, and her father was too closed off to fill in the void. And so she learned from a young age that the only person she could ever truly count on was herself. But maybe she didn't have to keep living that way. Experience seemed to suggest that she was better off alone, but what had that gotten her? She broke her adopted home and ruined numerous lives. Perhaps if she had allowed others to be there for her, as Rapunzel had always insisted, then things might have been different. She wasn't so sure. Then again, a lifetime spent avoiding friendships had left her bitter and lonely and mistrustful of everyone, so maybe it would have done some good.

But even if it had, one problem would surely remain.

_I can feel the love I want, I can feel the love I need_

_But it's never gonna come the way I am_

_Could I change it if I wanted? Can I rise above the flood?_

_Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?_

More tears formed in her eyes as Cassandra approached a familiar pathway, one she had not ventured down in a long time. Realizing where it led, she swallowed and kept going down the trail, climbing over boulders and sliding down with a splash into a stream. Her feet carried her on to the place she once knew like the back of her hand: the Lost Lagoon.

The place where she and Raps first had an adventure together. The place they sought out in an effort to find the secret power of Corona. The place where she had learned how to swim. And by the looks of it, no one else had discovered it since they were last here. Good. Cassandra had hoped it would remain their secret.

Her face fell as she remembered all those times she had come here with Raps to uncover the secrets of the lagoon or to just get away from royal duties. They had so much fun together; how did it all go so horribly wrong?

A faint glimmer caught her eye. Something shimmered in the water. Something that looked... familiar...

Cassandra removed her cloak and boots and as much of her clothing as she could and jumped into the chilly water. Her skin tingled from the coolness but she dove down and retrieved the object, returning to the surface to find in her hand...

The bracelet that Rapunzel once made, from the stones they found here a long time ago.

_I can feel the love I want, I can feel the love I need_

_But it's never gonna come the way I am_

_Could I change it if I wanted? Can I rise above the flood?_

_Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?_

Now the sobs came back in full force. Losing her will to resist, Cassandra clutched the bracelet tightly in her fist and pressed it to her mouth, the sounds of her crying echoing through the cavernous space. She had once made a vow here in this space, with this very bracelet, and now it seemed so hollow. Like a cruel joke she never meant to make but did anyway. That bond she and Rapunzel seemed to share had been pushed to its breaking point, and Cassandra just couldn't believe that Rapunzel was still able to forgive her or be there for her after everything. She did not deserve this.

For a brief moment, she considered diving down into the lagoon with the bracelet and never coming back up. But just as quickly as it entered, the thought disappeared. Her eyes snapped open at the notion that her brain would think of something so dark. It was tragically fitting in a way. She was the embodiment of darkness given her possession of the moonstone - which she no longer had.

Then, that voice came back. Small but determined. Saying she was not a lost cause. Saying that Rapunzel could still love her, in the way she wanted. In the way she needed...

Summoning her courage, Cassandra set the bracelet down and braved the cool waters one more time, retrieving its match and hastily climbing out so she could dry off before she caught hypothermia. Still chattering as she put on her boots and cloak, she grabbed the bracelets and held them over her heart - her poor, broken heart - and dared to hope that maybe, just maybe, she could change this one thing about her life.

For once, she dared to believe that her fears of being unlovable could be washed away in the water and not something she was cursed with. Even if Rapunzel could never love her like she loved the princess, she had to believe it wasn't always in her blood. Not this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics from "In The Blood" by John Mayer. Link to video: https://youtu.be/7ILUiMIWc24  
> Friend shared this and it seems very fitting for Cassunzel, especially given everything Cassandra has been through.


End file.
